It seems to me that a God who is all-powerful, all knowing, all loving, all everything, could have fixed things so that the better people are, the better life treats them. I like logical explanations for things, but the fact is life isn't fair and people don't always get what they deserve.

Psalms is one of my favorite books of the bible because it one of the most human. Take the psalmist writing in 73; asking questions about living in this world, yet somehow finding faith to face the unfairness of life.

I don't claim that faith provides all of the answers, but it does provide the strength to carry on. Life is complicated, and many don't get a fair chance in life. Things that shouldn't happen do. It's easy to have a negative reaction to these incidents. Generally people will play by the rules when they believe the rules apply, but sometimes life just taunts us to throw out the rules and play the game our way instead. Let's face it; no one wants to be a sucker or the loser. So there are two real choices as I see things. We can blame God and lose our faith... sort of the "if righteousness doesn't pay off, why do it?" option...clearly unfairness shakes our faith, but faith is the alternative here. If we keep the faith and trust in God - hold on - we can come out the other side of injustice and unfairness. When life is unfair, the worst thing we can do is turn away from God, because that is the time we really need Him the most.

I believe God provides inner resources to deal with outer disappointments. There aren't always easy answers or even satisfying ones, but faith is the answer to recovery.

the eyes have it...

I'm having some problems with my eyes, so no writing and very little reading for a bit...above is the result of 6 hours in target half-blind...amazing what seems like a "need" when you are bored enough. Moz is clearly priceless and a need. The halloween costume, well...

The great things about today:

• I slept past 6 a.m.
• I went outside to discover a beautiful day with mild temperatures
• On my run, I saw the cutest turtle in the grass. I also noticed how many people have such fantastic “patio gardens”
• I got my cite-check done for Trial Journal, so there is one less thing to worry about.
• my aloe plant just wanted some sun, and will probably make it after all.
• New fall t.v. starts soon

9/11 Remembered

How many of you did not wake up and immediately think of the tragedy 6 years ago? It's hard to believe it has been that long already. I bet you remember exactly where you were when you learned of the events. I was in an American Studies class, at Mary Washington, when it actually happened. I was a college freshman. I went back to the dorm and my roommate, Kristen, was staring at the TV. That week was the only week we actually turned the TV on the entire year. Kristen was from Long Island. She had family and friends that worked in the city. The news hit her harder than it did me.

I remember growing up how history teachers would assign us to ask our parents or grandparents where they were when various monumental events happened; the space walk, JFK's assassination.

I want to put out a call to change the way we think of September 11th. Too often I hear or read about the loss of life, the terrorists...and in no way do I wish to downplay that. But, wouldn't it be great to instead bring to the forefront the extraordinary acts of heroism and compassion following those events? These were ordinary people who made extraordinary choices. Selfless choices. They were not seeking reward or recognition; they were responding to crisis.

I am positive that God was still "in control" on that day. I can't comprehend why God allowed this to happen, but I know that it did not take him by surprise. In the face and even remembrance of tragedy, it is far too easy to become blind to God's plan.

Today I pray for our nation, still recovering from wounds; and pray for God to warm the hearts of those whose have grown cold with bitterness over the last six years. Thank God for making Americans a resilient and courageous people.

How about taking some time today to tell those you love just how much you love them? The events certainly reaffirm the notion that we never know what the future brings, or how much time we have left in this world.

Law school conventional wisdom suggests the first year they scare you to death, the second year they work you to death and the third year they bore you to death. As a third year, I want to know when that boring part starts. I am ready and waiting.

I have so much going on; school related or school activity related; or career related (yes, the job hunt for October a year from now is already on); or bar application stuff to mention a few.

The only way I know to describe it is like floating chin-deep in a giant bathtub, where the water is still filling up. But I can't reach the knobs to turn the water off, and my toes can't reach the drain to unplug it. No end in sight, and no relief no matter how hard I reach. So, seriously, come on boring part. It'd be great to have time to read the newspaper or enjoy a cup of coffee.

The little things in life matter a lot once you learn you can only stretch time but so far. I miss my friends. And hugs. And beautiful Virginia. And free time. And ant-free days.

Thank God for girl-time with Becca! We have so much fun that I am near convinced it must be sinful. But, so long as I'm headed to hell, at least I'll be in good company.

Come on weekend!

Hold on, baby, you're losing it
The water's high, you're jumping into it
And letting go... and no one knows
That you cry, but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you're tied together with a smile
But you're coming undone

I wrote a post a little bit ago indicating I wasn't feeling great, and would get back to posting once I was feeling better. Then I deleted it. But, the intention is still there. So, if you haven't seen me around in what seems like weeks...well, that is because I haven't been around. But for what it's worth, I've thought about you!

passing a message along

If the best man's faults were written on his forehead, it would make him pull his hat over his eyes.
--Gaelic proverb

When we deal with our faults and imperfections, we are dealing with the basic issues of being a person. We can become bitter and cynical about the imperfections of others, or we can realize every person is incomplete but growing, just as we are. The way we look at the faults in others and the way we look at our own are closely tied together. In our spiritual journey, we must begin with the premise that no person ever achieves perfection.

Perfection apparently is not what this life is about at all, since perfection is nonexistent. We are lovable, and we can love in the process of living our lives. Since we are not perfect, we have to be accountable. We must have standards for our behavior and hold ourselves to those standards, admitting our mistakes and making repairs where we can.

I will try to acknowledge my mistakes and give up the idea of ever becoming perfect.

Friends,

I would like to draw your attention to a courageous young boy named Youssiff. Please take a moment to read his story, and this update. Proceed cautiously, as the articles are upsetting and somewhat graphic.

I have sincere gratitude for The Children's Burn Foundation -- a non-profit organization – that has agreed to provide Youssiff’s treatment without charge. The foundation is accepting donations to help fray the cost, should you wish to contribute.

I challenge you to take another look at this little boy. Take a moment to consider how badly he needs medical care. Then consider what strong medicine it would be to know that people in this world care about him. A thoughtful and compassionate friend brought this particular point to my attention. His idea is to contact the Foundation and gather donations of cards, drawings, toys etc., for the little boy whose treatment may take a year to complete. Let me know if you would like to get involved. I don’t think it would be expensive or time consuming.

I’d like to urge everyone to add the Children’s Burn Foundation, Youssiff and his family, and my friend to your prayers.

I am just one person. And so are you. That is powerful stuff. What will you do with your power?

more on meaningful touches

I think I am a bit homesick. I wrote previously about meaningful touches...and I think that not really having them here is what has made me long for home so quickly.

In college I dated an amazing fellow who would send me hugs over the phone when I was away at school. He'd get me to close my eyes, and even follow up asking me if I'd felt them. It was so sweet...though I don't think another guy could have gotten me to take the ritual seriously.

It hasn’t hit me yet that tomorrow is my last first day of school ever. The day-to-day routine in law school can get old. Life gets old sometimes too. It is part of being human. But, I believe that everything that has been, will be again. I am issuing myself a personal challenge to focus and make the most I can of my short time left in Birmingham.

I start out fired up every year of school. Inevitably, though, I get tired. It is tempting to take it easy, rest, relax…and I admit that sometimes rest is indeed needed. I have taken on a very full agenda this semester, and it will take strength to get through it all in one piece.

Proverbs 6:6-8 tells us, “You lazy fool, look at the ant. Watch it closely; let it teach you a thing or two. Nobody has to tell it what to do. All summer it stores up food; at harvest, it stockpiles provisions. So how long are you going to laze around doing nothing? How long before you get out of bed? A nap here, a nap there, a day off here, a day off there, sit back, take it easy—do you know what comes next? Just this: you can look forward to a dirt-poor life, poverty your permanent houseguest!”

I pray that I never stop learning and seeking, and aspire to live out the following creed:

Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can.

For the day we stop learning and loving is the day we truly stop living.

All good things come to an end... time to rest and refocus. School starts Monday.

400 dollars on books for 3 of my 6 classes. Seriously.

I am dreaming of a day where I can put my money to a better use. Professional haircuts! Massage therapy!

When I was still home in Richmond, my grandma pulled out some centuries old papers....family trees, ledgers, debates, etc. Of particular interest was to learn that the relatives I knew of as "Jennings" were actually "Jennens" in England. I haven't had enough time to do substantial research, but I do know that Charles Dickens used the chancery court battle over his massive fortune in his book Bleak House. There it is renamed Jarndyce v Jarndyce. Now I am going to have to read this book. It sounds like a tale of woe and deceit. That should make for good reading.

In real life, I think that the battle went on for some 117 years. Jennens died intestate, contributing to the 117 year record. His wealth would amount to something like half a billion today.

Common sense is not all that common anymore.

random thought

How many other people have noticed the tendency for others to think you did something to your hair when you have made other physical changes?

It is so wonderful to have seen friends at church this morning. I prefer early service, but usually most of my buddies go to the later one.

I remember attending a retreat where the idea of "meaningful touches" was presented. In general, the theory goes, humans need a number of meaningful touches in their lives on a regular basis. I can't remember the number, and don't try to because I think I'd be tempted to keep kicking it up. I think it was something like 8-10 a day. But, I am reminiscing about high school, and with raging hormones it may have been much less.

At home, with the blessing of time with friends and family, this was easily fulfilled. Here in Birmingham, it isn't unusual for me to go weeks or months without a hug or handshake. Quite a change from college and the lifestyle I enjoyed there. So, this morning's fellowship was particularly wonderful.

I'm off to a picnic for the first year students. The teaching assistants will all be there. It seems just yesterday I was attending the same event as an anxious 1L.

"After awhile you learn the subtle differences between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning, and company doesn't mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open.
And you begin to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans."

Tonight I'm putting out there an unspoken personal prayer request. Not ready to talk.

Notes on the Sin of Sloth

“Acedia is wedded to the man seeking silence.”

Acedia was basically unavoidable for the monastic because everyone struggles at some time with not doing what society says they should do. Even so, experiencing acedia and getting through it was seen as an important rite of passage for the monastic. Acedia was common in semi-eremitic monasteries because of their composition that allows for collective meals and worship only on weekends, and organization in independent cells. They placed a high value on the success of the individual. The symptoms of acedia, both somatic and psychological, and responses to acedia varied widely. It would be difficult to explain the distribution if acedia were simply caused by laziness, boredom or depression. Instead, looking at Robert Merton’s concept of anomie helps explain how acedia could occur in such a narrowly circumscribed environment as a semi-eremitic monastery. Signs of acedia could be classified based on the monastics’s tendency towards activity or passivity, and conformation or alienation.

Somatic symptoms of acedia included sleepiness and sickness, pain, fever, and heaviness in the body. Joseph Hazzaya explained during his affliction with acedia the demon had placed a heavy weight on his head so he was unable to perform mass. Pachomius explained that there were both natural and unnatural causes for somatic symptoms. Natural causes were genuine illness or injury, and unnatural causes were demonic. It would take a spiritually discerning monastic to tell the difference.

Psychological symptoms include tedium, desire to leave cell, general dissatisfaction with monastic life, and desire to perform charities or manual labor, or extreme asceticism. The overwhelming desire to leave the cell could be to find companionship or find a new cell in hopes that a change of scenery will allow the monastic to renew his concentration, or the monastic may miss his family. No matter what the reason, the demon’s reasoning is the same; an attempt to get the monk to leave the cloister. Monastic dislike could also stem from a sense of superiority that the brethren are hindering their asceticism and they could become hypersensitive to others’ faults. Demonic temptation can also make the monastic do generally praised activities like caring for the sick but for the wrong reasons.

The treatments for acedia are different if not mutually contradictory. Monastics must alter their behavior to conquer demons. Some presuppose laziness is the problem. Underperformance can be corrected by renewed efforts to reach community standards.

I'm going to be back in Birmingham in less than a week! This summer has been wonderful...challenging, meaningful work, time with friends and family, much needed time away from the South.

I am ready to go back in some ways, but far from ready in others.

Obviously I know Fridays are date nights, but I am still looking for someone to stay with me at my place for an hour at most. I need someone I respect to be there to hold me accountable when finishing up with the situation described yesterday. I know it probably sounds silly, but I don't think in reality it is.

honestly, where is the honesty?

I rented my apartment out this summer to a girl. Perhaps I was too trusting, perhaps naive, but I thought things would go smoothly for the most part. I did my research, covered all bases imaginable, yet there was a hitch I hadn't counted on: lying. More than once and about some important things.

This summer the interns worked extensively on a series of cases involving a "Bishop" as a landlord who claimed he was helping the homeless and only doing God's work. I can't say much about it, but I will say he lied in open court. One person can only have but so many versions of the same event...

Honestly, where is the honesty? Here are two people who are professing Christians, yet they have not honored their own word.

I don't care what the motivation was; lying is a big deal. It supports the play book of the Enemy for one, but worse it makes for a terrible witness. What are we doing?!?

The Apostle Peter wrote, "Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow His steps. Who did no sin, neither was guile found in His mouth." I Peter 2:21,22

The Greek word for guile is "dolos." It means "to decoy" or "to bait." Jesus baited no one. No trickery. No deceit. Just the purest heart and the truest love that was ever given.

Integrity goes hand in hand with honesty. One of my gymnastics coaches defined integrity as what you did when you thought no one was watching. But God sees all, knows all...

I don't harbor anger towards these people. But, I am disappointed in their choices. It isn't my place to judge them. I don't think honesty is the best policy; I think it is the only policy.

Plea for help

Hey Friends!

I need some help. I will be driving back to Birmingham on August 10th. I need someone (or several!) to spend maybe an hour at my apartment with me. I don't want to be a gossip, but I promise it involves no heavy lifting, or anything resembling work. It isn't even dangerous. I'm not one to usually ask for favors, but a situation has arisen where I will need to this time.


Many thanks for thinking about it!

For about a week, my mom has been suffering from sudden hearing loss in one ear. She's been to the doctor, and done everything that they said, but with no improvement. Today she was finally able to get into an ENT, who reported that she may have irreparable damage from a virus. She has another type of treatment to start now. I am praying that it helps. If you are reading, I hope you will join me in that.

I haven't written in quite some time. I have been working long hours, full time. There's plenty I'd love to write about, but I can't out of respect for my clients' privacy. Summer is flying by. I can't believe that this time next year I will be studying for the bar. But really, the bar exam is seven years of school in the making, so I shouldn't be so surprised.

There are four law students clerking with me this summer. We are handling a hundred cases or more. There are just four of us, but I really believe we have a part in changing lives for some very deserving folks. Small numbers make no difference to God. There is nothing small if God is in it.

My prayers have been answered

Thank God!

I now have a wonderful clerkship. I am doing meaningful work and have been touched by a group that I had not really thought I was called to serve before. I am working hard, learning a lot, and hopefully doing some good along the way.

Today I have another job interview. It's about 2/3 of the way through June. I wouldn't have imagined it would be this late in the summer and I'd still not have a job. I get frustrated when people, well-meaning I know, ask me about the job search every time I talk with them. I don't think there is anything else I can do to get one, seeing as I'm already offering my time for free. Those same well-meaning people don't understand that I can't just get a regular minimum wage job...that it needs to be related to law. I can't really put burger flipper on my resume. Hopefully, I will have something happy to report this afternoon.

25! - Good Lord!

So, I've begun a new personal journey. I'm not afraid of failing or jinxing it, or anything like that, but I don't want to much comment on it since it is, well... personal. I think with dedication that by the time I return to Birmingham for my last year of law school, that most people who know me will know what I'm working on just by being around me.

I am still jobless, but I have got several irons in the fire. It's terrifying to not have one. I don't know if I will get one, how I will explain not having one, and how I will make ends meet in the meantime.

I know that I am happier in Virginia than Birmingham, and that I never run out of things to do here. It has been said that home is where the heart is. No one knows that quite as well as me.

No News is...

a sign I haven't had anything to say?

Actually, I haven't had anything I'd like to share is more like it. I'm struggling, but taking comfort in the fact that I believe there is such a thing as rock bottom.

Chinese Fortunes

I went out to dinner tonight to Jiang's. Great Chinese is a guilty pleasure for me. I don't know any places for it in Birmingham, so I don't indulge very often. Tonight I had an interesting fortune: "Life is not a struggle. It's a wiggle." What does that mean?

Some other unusual fortunes I've collected:

• Ssoorryy,, dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh oonn..
• A smile is your personal welcome mat. (I guess I'll be careful whom I offer them to!)
• About time I got out of that cookie.
• Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today. (Arguably always good advice)
• A woman who seeks to be equal with men lacks ambition.
• A nice cake is waiting for you. (See earlier posts. I like cake.)

New Wine

I heard a story once about a man who liked a particular beverage made with fermented grapes. He liked its smell. He liked its taste. He liked the way it felt on his tongue. He liked everything about it. Deciding to brew some himself, he got a recipe and got to work. He bottled his concoction and placed them in a storage shed. A few days later he and his family were startled awake by a loud noise. The man opened the storeroom door, sure that he was about to confront an intruder. It was no intruder, but instead the bottles had exploded. The man had filled the bottles a little too full and capped them too tight.

On Pentecost, exploding wine bottles might not seem the best way to celebrate the birth of the church. But really, the comparison fits. Jesus' apostles were filled with the spirit so much that some said they'd had too much wine, or were filled with a new wine. The Holy Spirit was within them and bubbling out, filling the streets of Jerusalem, and to the ends of the earth. Like the bottles, the apostles were exploding with the spirit. The new wine of the spirit filled them.

Pentecost as it is described in Acts seems like such an ancient thing, but when we see it that way, it becomes easy to just go through the motions of faith and forget about our gifts. Perhaps this is the right time to remember that all Christians are given gifts for ministry. How are you using yours?

I am more shy in some ways than most people would guess. Growing up I thought I'd be a doctor, or an editor of some sort. I never thought I'd be an attorney. But, I think I have a particular sensitivity towards service for the elderly and children. I see practicing law as an opportunity to minister. How wonderful would it be to have a career that truly honored God? One that just feels good because it helps others. I have been so blessed that I feel compelled to give back however I can. Although it is a non-traditional legal career, I think it will be a powerful one.

Memorial Day

My favorite veteran I lost my junior year of college. Papa served in WWII. He met my grandma when she was a pin-up model for the army.

Robert E. Behling

Hissing, spitting crackling
like an iron over a dancing flame,
the equipment shows him how to breathe,
the way he showed me how to do just about everything.
I watch his chest rise and fall,
In and out, in and out, in ... like his memory in the past year.
Towards the end, the man who changed my life just by living,
struggled to make change after buying coffee.
It's hard to admit that he wasn't who I grew up knowing,
Yet his decline most influenced my future.
He taught me to be proud,
of my heritage, my character, and my passions.
As he left this life, he led the way
for me to follow, so that I might lead.
My angel left this world,
but not before empowering me to change it.

The first few lines refer to gullet making, a type of traditional Belgian cake. The process of making gullets has been passed down through generations. Papa gave me his gullet iron before he got sick. He wanted to make sure that the tradition continued, and I am honored to do so.

May God guard and bless those who defend and protect our freedom.

"Waitress"

Tonight I found an old theater that shows independent and selectively released films. It was showing Waitress, a bittersweet, wonderful film. Jenna (Keri Russell) stars in the film, where she bakes pies with ingredients and names to match the events in her life.

Examples:

• I Hate My Husband Pie
• Earl Murders Me Because I'm Having an Affair Pie
• Pregnant Miserable Self Pitying Loser Pie
  

The story is gripping and beautiful, relaying the efforts of soulful women just trying to make it with what they have. The movie has powerful scenes of Jenna's controlling, abusive marriage to Earl. They are difficult to watch, but tastefully done (if such a thing is possible.) Jenna finds herself inconveniently pregnant, and in an affair with her handsome, kind hearted OB/GYN. She knows its wrong, but is unapologetic and moves on after the birth of her daughter to start a new life. It's more tart than sweet. But it's also undeniably funny and feel-good despite the heavy subject matter.

One of my favorite lines from the film: Jenna: Dear Baby, I hope someday somebody wants to hold you for 20 minutes straight. All they do is wrap you up in their arms without an ounce of selfishness to it. (writing a letter)
How wonderful would that be?

alien?

The movie E.T. came out the year I was born. Oddly enough, it was wildly popular and a lot of folks thought I looked like Gertie (Drew Barrymore). Judge for yourself. I look much happier than her... perhaps from all that cake. ;)


Elliot: But, look, you can't tell. Not even mom.
Gertie: Why not?
Elliot: Because grownups can't see him. Only little kids can see him.
Gertie: Give me a break!

Well, I think I match her personality at least!

And let me eat cake...

I've been going through some old pictures to put together a book for a father's day gift. I've come to the conclusion that I ate an inordinate amount of cake growing up. Granted, cameras were probably out more at parties, so maybe the conclusion is a bit skewed. All in all though, a cake filled life sounds pretty darn sweet.

Update: After lengthy investigation, the cake caper has been solved. I had to eat all that cake because my sister never (and still doesn't) like it, and we couldn't waste her share. I ought to thank her.

I've been working for a temp agency and putting in some serious hours. While I believe that all work is good and valuable, this work isn't satisfying. I was under the impression I'd have opportunities to use skills other than simply answering the phone.

I'm still struggling to find a good pro bono opportunity to get some real experience. Who knew it was hard to give your time away?

I learned that the hold up on my last grade is because my professor's child is in the hospital with complications from pneumonia. So, I don't care so much about getting the grade. It'll come eventually. Patience is not my strength, but this certainly puts a new perspective on it.

I must have strained or pulled a muscle a few days ago in my upper back. I've been doing all the right things, but it just does not seem to be improving. So, since I'm off today, I am going to try to keep still and give it some opportunity to heal...or to convince myself its time for a doctor visit.

The Promise of Power

Today is Ascension Sunday. The language of ascension can sound big and mysterious. It's a holy day, but probably not one of Methodists favorite to celebrate. There are no presents per se, and it never actually falls on Sunday since it is 40 days after Easter. So what do we do with it?

At one seminary, students and faculty gathered to worship and celebrate the ascension. The occasion was formal, with robes and regalia and a serious and somber tone. A clever and innovative seminarian somehow got a hold of a life-size, hollow, plastic "Jesus" which he positioned in the bushes outside before the service. With a flare for the dramatic, he combined his plastic Jesus with a rocket propulsion system. The student lit the fuse during the recessional of the robe wearing attendees. The Jesus rocket sputtered and eventually died somewhere near the dorms. The dean did not appreciate his creativity.

What does this mean for today? We really aren't all that different from the early church. Christians still have no power of our own, and never have. I think that modern society encourages us to embrace a philosophy that everything is up to us; our decisions and actions, drive and determination. But isn't this a delusion? Do we not instead rely on a power beyond ourselves?

Ascension proclaims Christ is exalted - He has gone up, but He has not gone away. In His infinite power of heavenly, humble love, He intercedes for us. Since we have no power of our own, He offers His to us. Thus, the One who is ascended is always with us, and we are never alone.

Banned Books

List of the top 110 banned books- all of these have been banned somewhere at some point in time, you will be amazed... Starred ones I've read in whole or part. Read more. Convince others to read some.



#1 The Bible *
#2 Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain *
#3 Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes *
#4 The Koran *
#5 Arabian Nights*
#6 Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain *
#7 Gulliver’s Travels by Jonathan Swift *
#8 Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer*
#9 Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne *
#10 Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman
#11 The Prince by Niccolò Machiavelli *
#12 Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe *
#13 Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank*
#14 Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert
#15 Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens*
#16 Les Misérables by Victor Hugo
#17 Dracula by Bram Stoker
#18 Autobiography by Benjamin Franklin
#19 Tom Jones by Henry Fielding*
#20 Essays by Michel de Montaigne
#21 Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck*
#22 History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire by Edward Gibbon
#23 Tess of the D’Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy* (dry!!)
#24 Origin of Species by Charles Darwin*
#25 Ulysses by James Joyce
#26 Decameron by Giovanni Boccaccio
#27 Animal Farm by George Orwell*
#28 Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell*
#29 Candide by Voltaire*
#30 To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee *
#31 Analects by Confucius
#32 Dubliners by James Joyce
#33 Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck*
#34 Farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway*
#35 Red and the Black by Stendhal
#36 Das Capital by Karl Marx*
#37 Flowers of Evil by Charles Baudelaire
#38 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
#39 Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D. H. Lawrence
#40 Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
#41 Sister Carrie by Theodore Dreiser
#42 Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
#43 Jungle by Upton Sinclair*
#44 All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque*(one of my favorites)
#45 Communist Manifesto by Karl Marx
#46 Lord of the Flies by William Golding
#47 Diary by Samuel Pepys
#48 Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway
#49 Jude the Obscure by Thomas Hardy
#50 Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury (how ironic that it’s a book about banning books that ended up being banned in some places)*
#51 Doctor Zhivago by Boris Pasternak
#52 Critique of Pure Reason by Immanuel Kant
#53 One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey*
#54 Praise of Folly by Desiderius Erasmus
#55 Catch-22 by Joseph Heller*
#56 Autobiography of Malcolm X by Malcolm X*
#57 Color Purple by Alice Walker*
#58 Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger
#59 Essay Concerning Human Understanding by John Locke*
#60 Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison* Not my favorite
#61 Moll Flanders by Daniel Defoe
#62 One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn *
#63 East of Eden by John Steinbeck*
#64 Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison
#65 I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou*
#66 Confessions by Jean Jacques Rousseau
#67 Gargantua and Pantagruel by François Rabelais
#68 Leviathan by Thomas Hobbes*
#69 The Talmud*
#70 Social Contract by Jean Jacques Rousseau*
#71 Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson*
#72 Women in Love by D. H. Lawrence
#73 American Tragedy by Theodore Dreiser
#74 Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler*
#75 Separate Peace by John Knowles
#76 Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath*
#77 Red Pony by John Steinbeck
#78 Popol Vuh*
#79 Affluent Society by John Kenneth Galbraith
#80 Satyricon by Petronius
#81 James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl*
#82 Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov
#83 Black Boy by Richard Wright
#84 Spirit of the Laws by Charles de Secondat Baron de Montesquieu
#85 Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut*
#86 Julie of the Wolves by Jean Craighead George
#87 Metaphysics by Aristotle
#88 Little House on the Prairie by Laura Ingalls Wilder*
#89 Institutes of the Christian Religion by Jean Calvin
#90 Steppenwolf by Hermann Hesse
#91 Power and the Glory by Graham Greene
#92 Sanctuary by William Faulkner
#93 As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner
#94 Black Like Me by John Howard Griffin
#95 Sylvester and the Magic Pebble by William Steig (it’s a children’s book!)
#96 Sorrows of Young Werther by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
#97 General Introduction to Psychoanalysis by Sigmund Freud
#98 Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood*
#99 Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee by Dee Alexander Brown
#100 Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
#101 Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman by Ernest J. Gaines
#102 Émile Jean by Jacques Rousseau
#103 Nana by Émile Zola
#104 Chocolate War by Robert Cormier*
#105 Go Tell It on the Mountain by James Baldwin
#106 Gulag Archipelago by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
#107 Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert A. Heinlein
#108 Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Peck*
#109 Ox-Bow Incident by Walter Van Tilburg Clark
#110 Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes*

In case you wondered...

I retired, at least temporarily, my livejournal. I read through it and saw it was mostly about boys and other silly things. It's good for a laugh, but I have grown a lot since then.

If you had a link to that, go back and look at my "50 things" list from then compared to this one.

50 Things about Me

1. I have piercings other than my ears
2. I like lists. Go figure.
3. I write and shoot pool as a lefty but do most other things as a righty
4. I was terrified of the TV show Hee Haw as a kid
   
5. I can't decide whether it is funny or a compliment when people in AL can't see me as a former cheerleader, since I was one from little girl through college
6. Before cheerleading, I did gymnastics and shared a coach with Dominique Dawes. I also had some scary Russian coaches.
7. I love mornings and watching the sun rise
8. I think it is terrifying and cool I will be an attorney in a year
9. I appreciate the near forgotten art of the handwritten letter
10. I can't stand loud "eating sounds"
11. I love gerbera daisies and peonies
12. I cook a lot.
13. Even when I've done well, I wonder how I could have done better or worked harder.
    
14. I'm very ticklish.
15. I have a good memory
16. I am very slow to anger
17. I love watches but often forget to wear one
18. I think I've grown up a lot since college
19. I read a lot because it is both more stimulating and relaxing than tv or the computer
20. I finish what I start
21. I'm unusually flexible and have loose joints.
22. I underestimate my abilities
23. I sometimes wish I was more wild
24. When I was a kid I thought the signs by the road were "hysterical markers." Ironically, I ended up with a history/American studies degree. I'm pretty sure it was only mildly funny.
25. I like post it notes and use a ridiculous number of them.
26. I like to talk about myself but am having trouble making this list.
27. I never liked to color or cut things out.
    
28. I barely talked until first grade when I was chosen to narrate a play about a whale.
29. I still have shy moments.
30. I'm short. I'm fairly certain that won''t change.
    
31. thesaurus.com is my friend
32. I have a ridiculous habit of shopping online, putting stuff in my cart, and then not checking out.
    
33. I'm a fickle gemini
34. I wish I had a bigger family
35. I love the theater. If I make it big in law, I will most definitely donate generously
36. Twins run in my family but I am not one
37. Supposedly my spiritual gifts are helps, mercy and encouragement I am not so sure.
    
38. I like bird watching and listening to their songs
39. I took ballet but didn't have the gracefulness for it
40. I have unusually good balance
41. I'm happy doing nothing with friends
42. I enjoy personality tests. It reminds me that I have one.
43. When I find a good book, I can't put it down until the end
44. I don't get as many hugs as I'd like.
45. I won't eat mushrooms, seafood, raisins or cantaloupe
46. I am a regular blood donor and have B positive blood type
47. I don't smoke and I rarely drink.
    
48. I took up running in college after hearing that fast girls have a better time. I think that was a misinterpretation.
    
49. My college cheering squad was sponsored by Hooters. They offered some of the girls jobs after a game, but not me.
    
50. One of my nicknames is frogger, but I won't tell you why.
    

Wrinkles, Cracks and Other Signs of Perfect

Our culture seems to have gone off the deep end in search of perfection. I saw an article describing how more and more engaged couples are jointly undergoing cosmetic surgery to look perfect for their wedding. I don’t know whether that is tragic or funny. Maybe it’s both. You finally find the person who loves you just as you are, and as you prepare publicly to proclaim your love for one another you undergo an elective procedure so that you’ll look good enough for other people to see you. As if American culture wasn’t spending enough on wedding budgets . . . invitations, flowers, gowns, catering, photographs, manicures, tuxedoes . . . and now tummy tucks and rhinoplasty. . . all in pursuit of the perfect day. The only problem is that no day is perfect. No marriage is perfect. No person is perfect.

Author Anna Quindlen identified the problem of the pursuit of
perfection in a commencement speech at Mt. Holyoke, a women’s college.
She spoke about her own quest for perfection while she was in college. She
said:

I got up every day and tried to be perfect in every possible way. If there was
a test to be had, I had studied for it; if there was a paper to be written, it was
done. I smiled at everyone in the dorm hallways, because it was important to
be friendly, and I made fun of them behind their backs because it was
important to be witty. And I worked as a residence counselor and sat on
housing council. If anyone had ever stopped and asked me why I did those
things--well, I'm not sure what I would have said. But I can tell you, today,
that I did them to be perfect, in every possible way.

There are tragic implications for the quest for perfection among young women. I think of anorexia . . . when young people who want to be perfect fail to eat and can starve themselves to death.

Paul wrote these words in his second letter to Corinth, but I think they apply: “We have this treasure in earthen vessels.” Your transition may say “clay pots” or even “cracked pots.”

It reminds me of a story: A water bearer in India had two large pots. The pots hung on either
end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the pots had a crack in it. The other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk from the stream to the master’s house. The cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily. Each day the water bearer delivered only one and a half pots full of water in his master’s house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments, perfect to the end for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection and miserable that it was only able to accomplish half of what it had been created to do. After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, the cracked pot spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. “I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you.” “Why?” asked the water bearer. “What are you ashamed of?” “I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your master’s house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don’t get full value from your efforts,” the pot said. The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, “As we return to the master’s house, I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path.” He was right. As they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again it apologized to the bearer for its failure. The bearer said to the pot,” Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not the other pot’s side? That’s because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you’ve watered them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master’s table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not have this beauty to grace his house.”

We have this treasure in cracked pots.

Like the cracked water jar . . . there were things I can’t do, but I can do something beautiful with what I have and who I am. I don't feel perfect . . . but I am perfectly being who I am.

That’s the good news that Christians have to share with the world. It’s not about being perfect. It’s not about being perfectly flawless. It’s not about being perfectly beautiful or perfectly successful. We can’t be that kind of perfect. In fact, that’s why God sent Jesus . . . because none of us are that kind of perfect . . . none of us can be good enough to earn our way to God. So God comes to us. Because of Jesus we don’t have to be perfect. Instead we can just be loved.
And when we get that . . . when we get that we are beloved . . . loved perfectly . . . we are set free to be ourselves . . . to become who God uniquely made us to be . . . to become perfectly ourselves.

Maybe that’s what Paul wants us to understand. . . that the perfection isn’t in the container . . . it isn’t in the clay jar. The perfection is the treasure that is within. . . Christ alive in us . . . guiding us to embrace what is truly important. And through Jesus Christ God sees you as you are . . . forgiven and free. . . in your own way, perfect. Is there anything better than that?

Final Exam Grades

I have been obsessively checking online for final exam grades. I know it may be several more days before I get the last ones, but I can't stop myself. Hopefully the torture will be over soon!

Verse for the day:
Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you are disqualified. 6 But I trust that you will know that we are not disqualified. 7 Now I pray to God that you do no evil, not that we should appear approved, but that you should do what is honorable, though we may seem disqualified. 8 For we can do nothing against the truth, but for the truth. 9 For we are glad when we are weak and you are strong. And this also we pray, that you may be made complete.
--2 Corinthians 13:5-9 (NKJV)

Out of Dark Comes Light

God, make me brave for life;
oh, braver than this.
Let me straighten after pain,
as a tree straightens after the rain,
Shining and lovely again.

God, make me brave for life;
much braver than this.
As the blown grass lifts,
let me rise
From sorrow with quiet eyes,
Knowing Thy way is wise.

God make me brave, life brings
Such blinding things.

Help me to keep my sight;
Help me to see aright
That out of dark comes light.

Home Sweet Home

I made it safely back home. The drive was just as long as I remembered, but I enjoyed the beautiful views on 81 through Virginia. I have been going non-stop since before exams. Sometimes busy is good though.
I went to a surprise birthday party that gave me an unexpected opportunity to network. I haven't landed a job yet, but I am sure I will. Things have a way of working out on their own. I had a great time the next day visiting with family in Crewe where my mom grew up. I'll be 25 in a month, but I still belong at the children's table. Law school and all that has come with it has required me to grow up fast. So, in some ways a seat at the kiddie table is nice. It was also nice to have a real, home-cooked southern meal.
The last two days the family has been scrambling after discovering grandma fell and broke her foot and sprained her ankle. It's a reminder of just how fragile humans are.
Home is where the heart is. For me, my heart is here.

“There's nothing half so pleasant as coming home again.” M.E. Sangster